EMDR Glossary: Dissociation

Have you ever gotten so absorbed in a good book that you lost track of time? Or were late for an appointment because you were in a daydream? How about pulling into your driveway but you don’t even remember the actual drive home? These are all common forms of dissociation that happen to all of us.

we all dissociate

So what is dissociation? Dissociation is when you are not completely present in the here and now - and it’s not necessarily a bad thing! We naturally dissociate a little on a daily basis. Your mind and body often go on autopilot as a way of freeing up your mind to work on other things. If you are a competent and comfortable driver, you can lightly dissociate while driving a familiar route and your mind can then problem solve something that’s been bothering you. If you really think about it, you’ll start noticing times that you dissociate harmlessly.

Dissociation with PTSD and Trauma

Dissociative symptoms can range from minor feelings of not feeling connected to the present to intense feelings that things around you aren’t real (called derealization).

I often hear clients describe the following symptoms as well:

• Checking out of conversations - then returning and trying to figure out what you missed

• Watching yourself from above or from the side

• Feeling disconnected (from yourself, others or both)

• Feeling emotionally or physically numb

• Not recognizing yourself in the mirror

• The world around you looks foggy or not real

• Having periods of time that you don’t remember (ranging from minutes to hours, sometimes days at a time)

• Having flickering memories/recollections

• Having a sense that something disturbing happened to you, but you don’t know exactly what

Dissociation as a Defense Mechanism

When I have this conversation with my clients, they often express shame that they dissociate more than other people do. I’d like to reframe that response. If you are someone who tends to dissociate more intensely than others, there’s a good chance you’ve experienced some form of trauma. At the time of that trauma, your mind protected you by allowing you to “go somewhere else” so you could survive. Many times, this trauma occurred at the hands of someone who was supposed to keep you safe. It would make sense that you had to dissociate in different ways - first, you had to dissociate from the actual experience itself - and second, you (likely) had to rely on the perpetrator for your basic needs to be met (i.e. food, shelter, etc.) until you could escape the situation altogether (often as a teen).

It takes great courage to continue on under these circumstances.

At some point, the previously helpful coping tool of dissociation is no longer serving you. It might even get in the way of you progressing in the ways you’d like - whether it’s in education, career, romantic connections, etc.

Recovery from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

One aspect of recovery from PTSD is helping your mind and body learn that you are safe now. That the perpetrator can no longer harm you again (or that you can protect yourself from their attempts at further harm). In EMDR therapy, one of the first things you’ll learn is how to identify and manage those periods of dissociation. This is a part of the Preparation Phase of EMDR.

Most of my clients also report that the periods of dissociation they experience decrease and become less intrusive because we have been directly addressing the actual need for dissociation in the Desensitization Phase of EMDR.

Here’s another way of looking at it - if certain smells trigger you and take you back to “that place,” your mind and body feel like they are in danger again. In EMDR, we are addressing those specific memories that trigger you to dissociate - we take the energy out of them and help your mind and body to understand that you are no longer “back there,” but you are here, right now.

We also move to the next step and address the “present trigger” of the smell, so that the smell of cedar is just the smell of cedar. The smell doesn’t trick your brain and body into thinking that you are 8 years old again and trapped in that awful cabin - you are actually 45 and are strong, brave and can protect yourself now.

I hope that this blog has helped you understand dissociation a little bit better. I also hope that if you’ve felt ashamed of your tendency to dissociate that you can think of it differently and extend yourself some compassion. You made it through it all. You might need a little help leaving your past where it belongs, and there are people who can help you with that! You’ll know when are ready to reach out ( don’t force or rush yourself!). There are many of us who are trained specifically to treat PTSD and are ready to help you.

If you feel like you’d like to address symptoms of dissociation and trauma, click here to book a free 15 minute video consultation for online EMDR Therapy and PTSD treatment in California.

Online EMDR Therapy and Trauma Counseling in California and Carlsbad, CA.